What goes up, must come down. And here I am again. Most people won’t know what I mean, but some of you do. I’m in my, “result of working through trauma” stage.
I think of it as murky water. After the whirlpool inside me finally stops spinning, the debris is still swirling, trying to settle. That’s where I’m standing now. I’m in the fog, fighting to see clearly.
Let me explain.
First, just to be clear… while many of my stories hold pieces of my traumas, those don’t always mirror what my characters go through. Sometimes it’s a behavior. Sometimes a conversation. Sometimes, yes, it encompasses the theme itself. But not always. I know that sounds cryptic AF (sorry), but the takeaway is this, not every darkness on the page is from my own life.
And second, YES, I’m okay. I go through this stage nearly every time I finish a book. Some “downs” hit harder than others, but I know how to protect myself. Plus, I’ve got a fantastic hubby watching out for me. Writing is my therapy. Which is why I’m here, writing this now.
So…
Dear Diary,
OUCH. This one hurts.
And that’s a good thing. To create something truly great, you have to bleed. The passion, the emotions, painful or otherwise, they have to be real. The redemption, the love, the arc, they MUST be there. And if you know me, so must the obsession, the possession, and the darkness. That’s the recipe for a GREAT story.
So, which story am I talking about?
Only Everything.
I was sure it would be an AA book. By the end, it wasn’t. Dee and Nadine pointed out what I couldn’t see myself: my evolution as Alaska. I saw it in The Devil or Hollywood, and it showed in this book as well. I’m growing, and I’m expanding. Only Everything turned out to be a Forbidden Dark Romance. And honestly? I’m relieved. I thought I’d lost my romance. I didn’t, I’d just suffocated it. Once I tore down the walls and stopped forcing myself into a box, the story flowed.
It hurt. The trauma cut deep. But the book is one of my favorites. It’s raw, it’s real, and it’s darkly poetic.
It’s beautiful.
Tomorrow morning, I’ll dive back into Reid and Tauren’s world for final tweaks, and then off it goes to my betas. I can’t wait to see what they think!
I love this story. I hope you all love it too.
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